Deadline 16 Course Portfolio

Dear Ms. Rodrigo and English 102,

Over the course of this class I believe I have improved a great deal as a writer. I feel that my grammar, punctuation, editing, vocabulary, and ability to write in more detail have all improved as a result of this class. However, I also know that in all these areas I still have much room for improvement. I am very thankful that I did decide to take this class because it has greatly prepared me for college (which is coming soon for me) and gave me a taste of what a college class is like. More specifically, this class has helped me to achieve many of the course outcomes.

The first course outcome that I feel I have improved in is to "organize writing to support a central idea through unity, coherence, and logical development appropriate to specific writing context." The course project that I feel best exemplifies this is the final draft of W.P 3. After writing W.P 3 I was immensely proud of my work and how all of my ideas finally came together in a logical order. It took a great deal of editing (both through myself and my peers) to finally achieve this logical order. At first I had a lot of ideas and a lot of sources that I wanted to use to support my central idea. I had to carefully pick and chose which I wanted to incorporate in order for my paper to make the most sense, and be as persuasive as possible.

Also, I even ended up changing my central idea from "why people need to achieve a better understanding of the disabled" to "why the government should fund programs for the disabled". This was a very hard decision for me to make (which can be seen in my deadline 13 writing project reflection and also my deadline 12 deadline reflection). However, I had to make these changes in order for my paper to support the central idea. Without this change, I would have had way too many ideas to support and my paper would have been taken in far too many directions.

Another outcome I feel I achieved is to "find, evaluate, select, and synthesize both online and print sources that examine a topic from multiple perspectives". I feel I achieved this goal as well because over the course of this project I found many sources which I found both informational and inspiring (this can be seen in all my annotated bibliographies, W.P. 2 and W.P. 3). The perspectives of my sources came from a variety or perspectives: from government officials, to psychologists, to journalists, to teachers, to parents. I feel this gave me a lot of insight on my subject. Even though I did not end up using all of my sources in my final project I feel like I learned a great deal from each source and will keep this information with me far after the duration of this project.

Finally the last outcome I feel I achieved is "use feedback to obtained through peer review, instructor comments and or other sources to revise your paper" Before this class I never really realized how helpful peer review could be. In my other classes I usually edited my own papers or else had my mother edit them. However, I have now discovered the importance of peer review (this can be seen in my peer editing reflections). After reading the reviews of my classmates and teacher I began to make a lot of changes, that I never would have noticed without their insight. For example after my conference call with Ms. Rodrigo I realized that I needed to modify my topic and make it less broad. Also, I realized through my peers how my word choice influenced how the readers viewed my paper, how my grammar could be better edited, and many other things that I would not have realized without their help. I am very grateful that we were provided with the opportunity to grade each others papers in this class. At first I was nervous to do so, but I feel this class has helped me to grow as a writer.

I also know that there are still many more outcomes that I still need to work toward. For instance, "integrate sources through summarizing, paraphrasing, and quotations from sources to develop and support ones ideas". At first I thought I had done a relatively good job of this, but after rereading my paper later I realized that this needed a lot of work. The reason for this is that often I would just quote or paraphrase a subject without including any commentary afterward (this can be seen in my final and draft of w.p. 3) Without commentary I am just blindly quoting sources, but they are not necessarily supporting my ideas. In the future I need to learn to incorporate my sources not just paraphrase or quote them.

I also need to work on "write for specific rhetorical contexts…" . This area needs some work because I feel that in the future I need to more properly write for my audience and better consider their needs. For example, I need to decide what it would take it persuade them based on their needs and interests (this can be seen in wp 3 draft and in my deadline reflections). My papers will be even better if I can better write to suit my audience. After reading my fellow students papers I realized that many of them have already achieved this goal and it made me want to strive to achieve this in my own writing. I feel I have a vague idea of how to do this, but I could go into a lot more detail in evauluating my audience and what they need.

Sincerely,

Madolyn Whitmer

Peer Review Assignment (Michelle)

I think that you have selected a good topic, as long as you approach it in a new way. I like the specific way that you are approaching the topic, by informing people of the pains that people who go through abortions experience. However, in doing this you must be careful to use a lot of cited research and to not give your opinion too much. I am struggling in this area myself because it is hard to not express my opinion in my paper, because it is something that I care about. When you write your paper, perhaps you could find specific statististics of how people feel after they have an abortion, or when they discover they are pregnant. You could also include any psychological case studies that have been done involving women dealing with abortion.

I also like the fact that you have personal experience to go off of because of the difficulty that you had in helping your friend. I think that this will give your paper a certain amount of passion which will be obvious to the readers and make the paper more real and interesting.

Another suggestion I would give would be to write this paper in more of an essay form rather than a list form. I think that this will get you more points in the structural and grammatical areas. However, this is only a draft so perhaps you were going to revise the structure in your final copy.

I really like your last paragraph in which you adress how you are going to go about with the research. It is a really good idea to talk to the doctors at the clinics and do some personal interviews. Since this specific topic may be hard to research because it deals with emotions a lot, personal interviews may be one of the best strategies for your research.

I think what you will need to focus the most on in this essay is finding the specific subject you will be adressing. For example, are you going to include the views of various political groups on abortion, or deal specifically with just the experiences of women who have had an abortion or who are considering having an abortion. After you have narrowed down the topic I think this will be a great essay. I definately look forward to reading it as I have a lot of emotion invested in this topic as well. Good luck to you!

Peer Review (Brian)

Your choice of topic is very fresh. I do not believe anyone else is writing anything like this. Its good to pick a topic that has never been done before. Good job! However, this also may be a bit of a problem because your topic could be too narrow. You might want to broaden your topic by writing on more than one thing that could be harmful to your health. For example, your topic could be: "Things that we consume everyday that people don’t know are harming them." You could include a lot of various studdies that have been done on specific things that have proven to be harmful. This would give you a lot more to go on. However, this is just a suggestion because I do not know much about this topic and maybe there is a great deal of information about it that you could use in the paper.

I also like the fact that you work in the health industry. That means you have a lot invested in your topic. This is always a good thing because I believe the more you care about your topic, the better your paper will be.

I would also suggest writing this in more of an essay form rather than in a bullet form. This will probably give you more structural points in the grading. You did a very good job in adressing the questions that the audience might ask, as all those questions were ones that I had.

Make sure that when you write this paper you explain the topic in a lot of detail. I believe that most people know very little if anything about this topic and it would be very helpful to them if it was explained in great detail. Also be sure to define all scientific words that you use, and any biological processes (for those of us who need to study up on our biology. This will greatly help the readers in understanding your topic. I would like to know more on how you are going to go about researching this topic, for instance if there are any particular case studdies you are going to use, or any particular experiments that have been done.

Overall, I really like the topic you have chosen and believe that this is going to be a very successful paper. I look forward to reading it.

When most of the population thinks about people with mental disabilities, they think of the film Rain Man , I am Sam or What’s Eating Gilbert Grape? This is because few people have any knowledge of individuals with mental disabilities other than what they learn about them in television or the movies. These people park in handicapped parking spaces when they are clearly not handicapped and complain about bills submitted to congress to help the mentally disabled. When they see someone in a wheel chair they are quick to avoid their glance, and continue going about their business. It is clear that there is a general ignorance in society about the mentally and physically disabled. The research question that must be posed is ; What can we as a society do to become more educated about the mentally disabled, and what measures must we take to help them?

This is a very controversial topic because much of society would rather ignore this problem because they are scared of those with handicaps or believe there is nothing that they can do to help. I myself know about these controversies because I dealt with these same issues not long ago. Then two summers ago I had an experience that changed my life. That summer I had expected to be a camp counselor for elementary school students as I had every other summer. However, this year there was something very different in store for me. I was instead employed as a camp counselor at Camp Fiesta, a camp program for the mentally and physically disabled. At first I was terrified because people with handicaps scared and intimidated me. However after that summer, I learned a great deal about the kids at my camp and began to hope that others would take the time to learn too.

My opinion on this issue is that more legislation should be passed in congress to help those with handicaps, such as making all large places of business easily accessible to the handicapped, and providing more money for education and summer programs for them. My purpose in writing the paper is to convince people that they need to take the time to learn about those with handicaps, and take bills of legislation to help them seriously.

My audience would be those who are ignorant about people with handicaps and have never spent time with them before. I also am aware that those in my class will be reading my paper as well as my teacher so I must keep that in mind as I write. The wants and needs of my audience would be to learn without becoming bored or unaffected by the writing. The audience will want to feel connected to the writing in some way, and feel as if they have learned something that they did not know when they are done.

My research plan is to continue to find as much research as I can on legislation, proposals/plans, and general information on people with handicaps. I want to gather as much information as possible so that I can write a well rounded paper that is not just my opinion. As far as the timeline goes, I want to be done by the due date and will do my best to do each part of the assignment as it appears on the homework assignments page.

I know that this subject will have a lot of limits because it will be hard to find a lot of research on this particular topic. However, if I stay committed to this project I also know that there are a lot of opportunities for me to inspire and teach my audience. I have chosen a topic that is extremely challenging because it is so broad, but as I continue to right and find research I hope that I will be able to further narrow the topic.

Wp 1 Final

· http://my.powa.org/modules.php?name=Content&pa=showpage&pid=24

· http://my.powa.org/modules.php?name=Content&pa=showpage&pid=25

· http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/606/01/

· http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/544/01/

Wp 2 Writing Reflection

The steps that I took to complete the writing project include rereading through all of my articles, highlighting important parts, writing the organization of the paper down, writing the paper, and editing the paper. I enjoyed rereading through all of my articles because it forced me to focus on things in the article that I had not focused on the first time. It also made me think about the articles in more detail. If I had more time to complete the project I would have spent more time editing than I did. I spent a lot of time reading the articles and writing the paper but looking back I could have edited more effectively. Also, my mom is usually the one who edits my paper because she is really good at English and editing. However, she is in Illinois this week. If I would have had more time I would have had her edit it when she got back. ( I know this is sad :) Anyways, the thing I am most proud of in this project is the fact that I made it so detailed. I tried to imagine all the questions the reader might have and elaborate on all of my statements. I tried not to say anything that was too ambiguous and explain all of my statements. Also, I am proud of all of my sources and think all of them will be useful to me. It may seem like some of my articles are a bit random but in my mind there is a method to my madness and I have a plan of where each article will fit in. A main concern I have is that when people read my paper they might understand why I included some of my articles. Also, that my paper was too one sided. However, I believe since the assignment is to write a persuasion paper I need to argue my point. I might have taken it a bit too far though.

What I tried to work on in this project was going more into detail and not making so many open ended questions. In my last paper I implied a lot of things but didn't directly state them. I think that was what brought my grade down. I tried to explain everything the best I could and help the reader get a feel for what all of my articles were about. I think I have achieved a course outcome in this sense because I have learned that ambiguous writing, no matter how good the writing is, is not a good tactic. One should always elaborate and explain as much as they can. They should not expect the reader to know what they are talking about if they do not say it.

I really enjoyed reading both Michele and Brian's papers. Both of them were very good in different ways. What I learned from Michele's paper is that the articles that will be the most interesting to the audiences are the ones that are the most personal. For example, she has some sources that include the true stories of real girls who have gone through the decision process of abortion, and even the story of a girl who was raped and had to make the decision. I think these will be very useful to her in her piece because they will help the reader see the perspective of people who have really gone through this. This will help them to understand her topic better and even begin to have some feelings invested in it. This makes me want to find a source like this for my paper, maybe by a parent and their experiences with caring for a disabled child, or even how it felt for their child to be denied proper schooling.

Brian's paper went into detail of the authors of the articles and why they might have biases. He also gave insight into why their perspectives might be the way they are. This made me want to go back and revise my paper to do this same thing. I do not think I included enough on the authors or their view points in my paper. These are important things to include because understanding the authors viewpoints will help me to better understand the sources. Also Brian had a really good intro, and I think that I want to elaborate on mine as well.

My paper has not yet been reviewed, but I look forward to reading the responses once I get back from Boston ( I will be gone until next Saturday). I really take my classmates opinions into account and like to get someone else's views on my paper. Hopefully, this will help me in revising my paper and finding two more sources when I get back.

Draft Wp 2

Madolyn Whitmer

March 3, 2007

English 102

Writing Project 2

The topic that I have chosen is the need for government to give more funding to the mentally and physically disabled for special education and various other programs. Over the course of my research I have found many informative articles that will help me in this endeavor. These articles cover a variety of different perspectives, as the authors each have different purposes for writing the pieces. Some of them are very passionate about the need to give more funding, while others take a very informative approach and never actually state their opinions. The main perspective that is taken by the sources is that schools are in need for more money to fund their special education problems and that without the money various problems tend to arise. It is very difficult to find opposing viewpoints on this issue because no one really wants to admit that they do not want to help fund special education, especially members of congress. However, one can tell that the authors have different perspectives simply by the tone of these pieces as some are written very passionately while others contain a sense of apathy.

Teichroeb, R. (Nov. 2005). Public protection, private abuse: mentally disabled preyed upon in state care. Retrieved February 24, 2007, from Seattle Pi Web site: http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/local/248443_protect16.html

Wp 2 Final

Taylor, H. (2000).  Many people with disabilities feel isolated, left out of their

their Communities and would like to participate more. Retrieved March
March 1, 2007, from
http://www.harrisinteractive.com/harris_poll/index.asp?PID=97  

GREAT JOB WITH THE APA CITATION

Miner, b. SHOULDN’T THAT BE A CAPITAL "B"? (2003). Vouchers: special ed students need not apply. Retrieved
March 1, 2007, from 
http://www.rethinkingschools.org/archive/18_02/vouc182.shtml

This article covers the complaints that parents have over Milwaukee voucher schools. These systems receive money from public taxpayers but are operated like private schools. This means the school is able to choose which children can attend, and thus do not have to provide a special education program. The perspective that can be seen in this article is one of commitment from teachers to eliminate the voucher schools tendency to discriminate against disabled children. One can see this from the opening few paragraphs in which a special education teacher is interviewed. In these paragraphs the teacher speaks passionately about the lack of fairness in the voucher schools. This article can be used in my paper to show a specific example of schools that discriminate against disabled children, and how this affected the parents and teachers of the community. It also points out another problem in the education system that should be amended, as there are many voucher schools throughout the country. This will be useful to me in my paragraph on the need to reform the special education system.

Noel, D., & Shreve, D. (Dec 2006). Special ed squeeze. State Legislatures, 32
(10), 28-29. Retrieved February 24, 2007, from Academic Search Premier
database. GREAT JOB WITH THE MULTIPLE AUTHOR. YOU WANT TO ITALICIZE THE PERIODICAL AND THE VOLUME NUMBER.

This article discusses all of the problems with the current Medicaid system which is supposed to be helping with funding for the disabled. The opposing viewpoint is that of the government, who say that the current system is working and there is no reason for reform. However, according to the article the new Medicaid proposal from President Bush would eliminate 3 million dollars in transportation services for disabled children. These costs would then have to be paid by the school districts. The government also says that states are not receiving funding because they are "not compliant" with all the provisions under Medicaid. However, Senator Olson argues that this is because the government’s "rules are inconsistent and their resources are insufficient". In other words states are paying the bulk of education costs because many times they do not understand all of the provisions of Medicaid. I want to use this article in my paper to show that current government programs are not working effectively. This would dispute the current position of many members of the government. Two different viewpoints can be seen in this article: those who support Medicaid, and those who do not. I want to include each perspective in my paper, and refute those of the opposing side in my argument. This is another informative article in which the author does not express their own opinion, but rather the opinions of those interviewed. GREAT JOB FINDING A SOURCE THAT GIVES YOU MULTIPLE PERSPECTIVES.

Teichroeb, R. (Nov. 2005). Public protection, private abuse: mentally
disabled preyed upon in state care. Retrieved February 24, 2007, from
Seattle Pi Web site:
http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/local/248443_protect16.html

The steps that I took to write the project include: finding articles, highlighting the articles, making lists and charts of where I wanted each topic to go, writing a rough draft, finding more articles to support more of my ideas, changing a part of my topic, re-highlighting, editing, and making a final draft (and editing again) If I had more time to complete this project I would have probably included more sources and went over it again to edit it another time. What I am most proud of in this project was the fact that I wrote about something that I truly care about, and I feel like I did a good job getting my point across. I like that I was able to find my articles and that I felt passionate about all of them. Also I feel like I did not let my self sound to opinionated and I feel like I used good precise language in my writing. The thing that I am most concerned with is I might have missed some punctuation error and also that I did not provide enough commentary and sources (hopefully i did though) I also may not have provided the other sides stance as much as I would have wanted to. If I would have had more time I definitely would have edited it a couple more times and I also probably would have made the conclusion longer. During this project I tried to work on the skill of not being too opinionated and using factual information not just what I think. I hope that I was successful in doing this. I tried to provide a lot of resources so that I could justify all of my claims. The skill that I will work on next time will probably be trying not to write run on sentences because I feel like there might be a few of those in my paper that I may not have realized were run ons. I am really really happy with the results of my paper and I hope that my fellow students and teacher will enjoy reading it as much as i enjoyed writing it. The course outcome that I feel like I worked on was improving my grammar and punctuation because I felt like I did improve my use of words and sentence structure quite a bit. I will also continue to work on this outcome in projects to come because I dont feel I have perfected it yet.

Wp 3 Peer Review

Peer review Sarah ( Sarah if you can see this I tried to leave this on your page but when I hit the comment button it said I couldnt leave one because I had to be logged in).

Excellent job on your paper. You found an extremely creative solution to animal euphenasia. It is very thought provoking. You had me convinced. Here are some suggestions: I don't know if you want to use the word epidemic because I am not sure thats the best word to use in this context. Maybe a better choice would be problem for example. Also, I believe the first sentence is a run-on so you may want to break that up. In the second sentence of the first paragraph it might also be a good idea to divide it into different sentences because it will make it easier to read. The way you have it is not incorrect, it is just more difficult to read. Another thing you might want to revise is that you should not include the source in parenthesis in the quotation marks. It should look like this: "blah blah blah" (Smith 3). as opposed to "blah blah blah (Smith 3)" .if that makes sense.

In sentence 1 of paragraph three I believe it could use a comma and it would also be more clear if it were reworded. I had trouble reading it the first time. Also when you first talk about Animal assisted therapy you use a quote as a definition. It was a little unclear to me what animal assisted therapy was and I had to go back and read it again. You may want to make a comment on the definition and restate it in simpler terms so that the audience can better understand what it is. Maybe you could include some more details about it. I was also wondering if you had any statistics on how many places are in need of animals in contrast to how many animals there are in shelters. This would probably be a difficult statistic to get but it would make this solution even more credible if a great deal of animals were needed. Also I think the last sentence of the paper could be revised because you use the word community twice and it becomes repetitive. Overall, you did a great job and it was really interesting to me to read your paper.

Peer Review Michelle Wp 3

First I want to start of by saying that I really like your topic, which i think I have told you before. You chose not to do the typical essay about why or why not abortion is wrong, but rather what makes people chose to have an abortion. I think you will get major points for creativity. Also I liked that you used a variety of sources from specific stories of girls to statistics. This is also a good thing. The main things that you are going to have to watch it for is how you phrase things and your grammar. For example in your intro you might not want to start it and end it with a question. You could instead say "Though these women all have different backgrounds and circumstances the end result is abortion" ( just an example). This way you sound more sure and its not too repetitive. In your first body paragraph I think you need to comment more about the story of the girl and give your insight into it. Commentary is probably going to be a big factor in the grading so make sure you comment on all of your quotes, statistics, and stories. This is one of the main things you should focus on when you edit.

In your conclusion you might want to consider revising the first sentence in the paragraph because its a statement not a question. You could say for example: In the end, most people zoom in on one question. Is abortion right or wrong? This way you are not combining a statement and a question in the same sentence. Also in the second sentence of the conclusion you could say "the fact of the matter is", instead of the matter of fact is (if you want to) because its a more well known statement.

I like your call to action in the end of the conclusion but you may want to focus on what words you chose so that it does not sound too opinionated. The main thing with your essay is to just include commentary on all of your quotes, that way it will be a bit longer and the audience will be able to better see your point of view.

In the second paragraph you could combine the third and fourth sentences so it reads "
Her doctor strongly encouraged her to have an abortion, and despite her strong beliefs, she went through with it". This makes it flow a little more smoothly I think.

Also I think you may have forgotten to write your sources after your quotes, stories and statistics. After a quote you just write the author (or the title if there is no author) and the page number in parenthesis. For example "Roughly 17% of those women are 19″ (Gibbons 12). This goes after every statistic, quote, and story. In your draft you did this some of the time, but sometimes not.

I really enjoyed your paper a lot and it got me thinking about your topic, which is exactly what you want from the audience. After you go through and make some commentary, fix some of the gramar and include all of the sighting for your quotes, statistics, and stories this will be an amazing paper. Great job.

Rough Draft wp 1

Madolyn Whitmer

April 7, 2007

English 102

Wp 3

There is an estimated 32 million disabled people in the United States which accounts for about 13.5% of the total population. Also, according to population statistics, the number of disabled Americans continues to rise yearly. As the numbers continue to rise it becomes more and more apparent that more funding must be given to this minority in order for its programs and education to remain sufficient for its numbers. However, even though problems with funding continue to escalate it seems that little is being done. One reason for this is that the disabled minority in America continues to fly under the radar, overshadowed by other problems that receive more media attention. As a result, most people are not aware of the magnitude of this problem with lack of funding. Most believe that enough is being done by current systems like Medicaid and are not even aware that problems exist.

According to the National Organization on Disability, 46% of the disabled community feels as if they are isolated from others while 48% feel that they are left out of community activities (Taylor 2). With almost half of the disabled population feeling isolated from the rest of the community it is clear that there is a problem in the United States. However, most people would not even realize that the disabled felt this way because they probably had never given it much thought. This lack of understanding of the disabled is probably a large reason why so many problems in funding and programs for the disabled exist. Over the course of this paper, it will be demonstrated that there is a lack of understanding for the disabled among the people in the United States and that this lack of understanding leads to problems and insufficient funding in special education/ government programs and group home situations. .

To begin insufficient funding for disabled students throughout the United States is becoming a huge problem for school districts who are being forced to pay the bulk of expenses for special education programs. For example in the state of Massacusetts the cost of sending disabled children to school has increased by 400 million dollars a year since 2001 and the number of disabled children has increased by 10,749 between 2002 and 2006 (Schworm 1). As a result, "School superintendents and parents of special needs children are demanding that Massachusetts boost spending on special education to help cities and towns that are struggling with an increasing number of significant disabled students who need a wide range of high-cost services" (Schworm 1). Not only are there problems with the funding for special education, but also there are problems with the system in general. For example, throughout the United States Voucher schools are still in effect. These schools are run like private schools, but are paid by the public through taxes. Since these schools are free to exclude who they want, many of them chose to exclude disabled students. They claim that they cannot afford the cost of special education and do not want to hire the teachers necessary to do the job. Much of the general public does not realize that the state is using their money to exclude disabled students from their programs. This is mainly because of a lack of awareness among the U.S. about these kinds of problems.

Under the EHA ( Education for all Handicapped Children Act) the government was supposed to pay 40% of the cost to educate a special education student. However, according to Diana Hinton since the act was put into motion the government has only paid less than 18% of the cost, a shortage of 12 billion dollars this year alone (Hinton 3). Medicaid is the current government program that is supposed to deal with these problems. It is also supposed to be (Special Ed squeeze article etc….)

Also there are many problems with the current group home systems. Because of lack of funding insufficient staff has been hired and paid extremely low wages (as much as many fast food workers make). As a result the general public is in danger with many escaping from the institutions on a daily basis. Also, many of the inhabitants of the group homes are abused sexually and physically because they are unable to afford homes for just the disabled. Many of the homes house convicted sex offenders and those with histories of violence along with the disabled members.

In conclusion, it can be seen that there are many problems among the disabled community with lack of funding and insufficient staffing. These problems can be solved with public support through voting and governmental support through enacting of new bills to help fund the disabled. As far as special education is concerned, government must take the first steps to fund the education in the ways that it had originally promised…

Milne, D. (2004). Mentally disabled people still find no welcome mat.
Retrieved March 1, 2002, from
http://pn.psychiatryonline.org/cgi/content/full/39/24/22

Miner, b. (2003). Vouchers: special ed students need not apply. Retrieved
March 1, 2007, from 
http://www.rethinkingschools.org/archive/18_02/vouc182.shtml

Noel, D., & Shreve, D. (Dec 2006). Special ed squeeze. State Legislatures, 32
(10), 28-29. Retrieved February 24, 2007, from Academic Search Premier
database.

Schworm, P. (2007). Special needs, a costly debate schools seek state funds
to meet rising expense. Retrieved March 1, 2007, from
http:/www.boston.com/news/education/k_12/articles/2007/18/special
_a_ costly_debate/?page=1

Special education and the individuals with disabilities education act. (2006).
Retrieved April 14, 2007 from http://www.nea.org/specialed/index.html

Teichroeb, R. (Nov. 2005). Public protection, private abuse: mentally
disabled preyed upon in state care. Retrieved February 24, 2007, from
Seattle Pi Web site:
http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/local/248443_protect16.html

Madolyn,
Strong paper. Although you do a great job of demonstrating there is a problem, you end on a very flat note. You give very vague instruction on how to help...if you are going to motivate people, give them some detailed instructions! In the future you'll want to pay a little closer attention to citations. EVERY sentence that includes information from an outside resource (Summary, Paraphrase, Quotation, Numbers, etc.) MUST include and in-text citation and a full bibliographic citation at the end of the paper.

One change I would have made in this paper is I would have read the instuctions more thouroughly. I did not include a citation after all of my paraphrases which the instructions said to do. Also I would have given the audience more specific instructions on what they could do to change the situation as Ms. Rodrigo suggested. Just saying that people should vote is not enough of a call to order. I should have researched specific things that could be done so that the audience would have more to go on. I would have revised the conclusion more thoroughly if I had more time. I do not really like how I ended it because I agree, it did end a bit flat. A stronger call to action was needed.

Peer Review Reflection wp 14

I really learned a lot from reading Sarah and Michelles papers. I like the personal tone that Michelle's took and how it felt like she really connected to it. I felt this in Sarah's paper as well. I kind of feel like I want to make mine a little more personal as well and not so formal because it makes it more genuine. I also liked how both of them discussed how they were going to use the outcomes in the future, like in their college classes. I also wonder if we are supposed to do all nine course outcomes because both of them did. I suggested that both of them describe more of their weaknesses becaused this helps in showing their improvement as well. I also realized that all three of us had some grammatical and sentence isssues that we are going to have to go through and edit carefully. As always I liked giving feedback and receiving it as well. I feel this will make my paper a lot better because sometimes I feel like I get stuck, and need someone elses eyes to tell me what mistakes I have made.

I appreciated that Sarah and Michelle both took the time to edit my paper as well. They recomended a lot of things to me that I definetley need to fix. For example they pointed out that I kind of went out of order in describing how things helped me, like I described the final project first, and then the process of writing the final project which doesnt make since. Also, I think I should edit out some of my more passive statements. I used some of the same wording sometimes and this needs to be fixed to give it more variety. I also learned how to properly cite my homework, because I did it incorrectly in my draft. I will be going back to that page so that I can do it correctly this time. I also realized that I need a stronger conclusion because it seems like it just ends. Also it was suggested that I should end with my name, which is a good idea. All of their input will definetely be taken into consideration. I am thankful for their input and their compliments because it gives me more confidence in my writing.

Peer edit wp 14

I peer edited Sarah's and Michelle's

Sarah Lane: I enjoyed reading your thoughts on the course. It seems like this class has been very helpful to you, and that is apparent in your cover letter. I have a few suggestions to make it even better. I know we both had the question of whether or not all nine course outcomes need to be discussed and I totally forgot to ask Shelly but I will be sure to do so tonight. I think that it would be good to discuss which outcomes you have improved on the most and which you still need to work on. These could be divided into different paragraphs so that they all would not run together too much.

In the second paragraph about the rhetorical situation I think it would be good to state specifically how your understanding of the rhetorical situation improved from deadline 3 to 9. This will give the readers an even better idea of how you have improved and how you feel about this course goal. If possible, I think it would be good to elaborate even more after you cite each deadline or project. You could go into more detail about how the course outcome helped and provide more details. Im sorry if this is vague advice.

Gramatically speaking there are a few errors that I noticed but this is most likely because it is your rough draft. In sentence 2 of paragraph 2 there needs to be commas added so that it will read better. Like: Shelly, during the student teacher conference, suggested.... When you talked about the journalistic questions I think it would be better to format it in this way (but this is just an opinion) who, what, how, why. instead of Who?What? etc because this way it does not look like 4 different sentences but rather one idea

In paragraph 3 sentence 2 needs revising because it is a fragment. I really like this sentence: I did not know what constituted appropriate conventions in writing; I just knew what sounded good. It shows how you feel that you have improved and makes it more personal to the audience.

Overall the paper has a few grammatical errors but other than that it looks good. It would be even better if more detail was added so that you elaborated on each outcome even more. I think you should also point out what some of your weaknesses are more specifically. I really like how you wrote about how the outcomes will help you when you enroll into a university. It shows how you will use the outcomes in the future. Good job. Great paper

I also commented on Michelle Cooks paper, but I had to email it to her because it would not let me leave a comment. I accidently forgot to copy and paste that onto here. The main points were that she had a few grammatical and sentence structure errors. Also, I thought some more detail could have been added to each of the deadlines and projects cited. I really liked how her paper was so personal and it felt as if you were having a conversation with her.

Wp 4 Draft

Dear Ms. Rodrigo and English 102,

Over the course of this class I believe I have improved a great deal as a writer. I feel that my grammar, punctuation, editing, vocabulary, and ability to write in more detail have all improved as a result of this class. However, I also know that in all these areas I can still have much room for improvement. I am very thankful that I did decide to take this class because it has greatly prepared me for college (which is coming soon for me) and gave me a taste of what a college class is like. More specifically, this class has helped me to achieve a few of the course outcomes.

The first course outcome that I feel I have improved in is to "organize writing to support a central idea through unity, coherence, and logical development appropriate to specific writing context. The course project that I feel best exemplifies this is the final draft of W.P 3. After writing W.P 3 I was immensely proud of my work and how all of my ideas finally came together in a logical order. It took a great deal of editing (both through myself and my peers) to finally achieve this logical order. At first I had a lot of ideas and a lot of sources that I wanted to use to support my central idea. I had to carefully pick and chose which I wanted to incorporate in order for my paper to make the most sense, and be as persuasive as possible.

Also, I even ended up changing my central idea from "why people need to achieve a better understanding of the disabled" to "why the government should fund programs for the disabled". This was a very hard decision for me to make (which can be seen in my deadline 13 writing project reflection and also my deadline 12 deadline reflection). However, I had to make these changes in order for my paper to support the central idea. Without this change, I would have had way too many ideas to support and my paper would have been taken in far too many directions.

Another outcome I feel I achieved is to find, evaluate, select, and synthesize both online and print sources that examine a topic from multiple perspectives. I feel I achieved this goal as well because over the course of this project I found many sources which I found both informational and inspiring (this can be seen in all my annotated bibliographies, W.P. 2 and W.P. 3). The perspectives of my sources came from a variety or perspectives from government officials to psychologists to journalists to teachers to parents. I feel this gave me a lot of insight on my subject. Even though I did not end up using all of my sources in my final project I feel like I learned a great deal from each source and will keep this information with me far after the duration of this project.

Finally the last outcome I feel I achieved is "use feedback to obtained through peer review, instructor comments and or other sources to revise your paper" Before this class I never really realized how helpful peer review could be. In my other classes I usually edited my own papers or else had my mother edit them. However, I have now discovered the importance of peer review (this can be seen in my peer editing reflections). After reading the reviews of my classmates and teacher I began to make a lot of changes, that I never would have noticed without their insight. For example after my conference call with Ms. Rodrigo I realized that I needed to modify my topic and make it less broad. Also, I realized through my peers how my word choice influenced how the readers viewed my paper, how my grammar could be better edited, and many other things that I would not have realized without their help. I am very grateful that we were provided with the opportunity to grade each others papers in this class. At first I was nervous to do so, but I feel this class has helped me to grow as a writer.

I also know that there are still many more outcomes that I still need to work toward. For instance, "integrate sources through summarizing, paraphrasing, and quotations from sources to develop and support ones ideas". At first I thought I had done a relatively good job of this, but after rereading my paper later I realized that this needed a lot of work. The reason for this is that often I would just quote or paraphrase a subject without including any commentary afterward (this can be seen in my final and draft of w.p. 3) Without commentary I am just blindly quoting sources, but they are not necessarily supporting my ideas. In the future I need to learn to incorporate my sources not just paraphrase or quote them.

I also need to work on "write for specific rhetorical contexts…" . This area needs some work because I feel that in the future I need to more properly write for my audience and better consider their needs. For example, I need to decide what it would take it persuade them based on their needs and interests (this can be seen in wp 3 draft and in my deadline reflections). My papers will be even better if I can better write to suit my audience. After reading my fellow students papers I realized that many of them have already achieved this goal and it made me want to strive to achieve this in my own writing. I feel I have a vague idea of how to do this, but I could go into a lot more detail in evauluating my audience and what they need.

Deadline 15 peer review reflection

I really learned a lot from reading Sarah and Michelles papers. I like the personal tone that Michelle's took and how it felt like she really connected to it. I felt this in Sarah's paper as well. I kind of feel like I want to make mine a little more personal as well and not so formal because it makes it more genuine. I also liked how both of them discussed how they were going to use the outcomes in the future, like in their college classes. I also wonder if we are supposed to do all nine course outcomes because both of them did. I suggested that both of them describe more of their weaknesses becaused this helps in showing their improvement as well. I also realized that all three of us had some grammatical and sentence isssues that we are going to have to go through and edit carefully. As always I liked giving feedback and receiving it as well. I feel this will make my paper a lot better because sometimes I feel like I get stuck, and need someone elses eyes to tell me what mistakes I have made.

I appreciated that Sarah and Michelle both took the time to edit my paper as well.  They recomended a lot of things to me that I definetley need to fix. For example they pointed out that I kind of went out of order in describing how things helped me, like I described the final project first, and then the process of writing the final project which doesnt make since. Also, I think I should edit out some of my more passive statements. I used some of the same wording sometimes and this needs to be fixed to give it more variety. I also learned how to properly cite my homework, because I did it incorrectly in my draft. I will be going back to that page so that I can do it correctly this time. I also realized that I need a stronger conclusion because it seems like it just ends. Also it was suggested that I should end with my name, which is a good idea. All of their input will definetely be taken into consideration. I am thankful for their input and their compliments because it gives me more confidence in my writing.

Deadline 15 Peer edit

I peer edited Sarah's and Michelle's

Sarah Lane: I enjoyed reading your thoughts on the course. It seems like this class has been very helpful to you, and that is apparent in your cover letter. I have a few suggestions to make it even better. I know we both had the question of whether or not all nine course outcomes need to be discussed and I totally forgot to ask Shelly but I will be sure to do so tonight. I think that it would be good to discuss which outcomes you have improved on the most and which you still need to work on. These could be divided into different paragraphs so that they all would not run together too much.

In the second paragraph about the rhetorical situation I think it would be good to state specifically how your understanding of the rhetorical situation improved from deadline 3 to 9. This will give the readers an even better idea of how you have improved and how you feel about this course goal.  If possible, I think it would be good to elaborate even more after you cite each deadline or project.  You could go into more detail about how the course outcome helped and provide more details. Im sorry if this is vague advice.

Gramatically speaking there are a few errors that I noticed but this is most likely because it is your rough draft. In sentence 2 of paragraph 2 there needs to be commas added so that it will read better. Like: Shelly, during the student teacher conference, suggested....   When you talked about the journalistic questions I think it would be better to format it in this way (but this is just an opinion) who, what, how, why. instead of Who?What? etc because this way it does not look like 4 different sentences but rather one idea

In paragraph 3 sentence 2 needs revising because it is a fragment. I really like this sentence: I did not know what constituted appropriate conventions in writing; I just knew what sounded good.   It shows how you feel that you have improved and makes it more personal to the audience.

Overall the paper has a few grammatical errors but other than that it looks good. It would be even better if more detail was added so that you elaborated on each outcome even more. I think you should also point out what some of your weaknesses are more specifically. I really like how you wrote about how the outcomes will help you when you enroll into a university. It shows how you will use the outcomes in the future. Good job. Great  paper

I also commented on Michelle Cooks paper, but I had to email it to her because it would not let me leave a comment. I accidently forgot to copy and paste that onto here.  The main points were that she had a few grammatical and sentence structure errors. Also, I thought some more detail could have been added to each of the deadlines and projects cited. I really liked how her paper was so personal and it felt as if you were having a conversation with her.

Deadline 14 Draft wp 4

Dear Ms. Rodrigo and English 102,

  Over the course of this class I believe I have improved a great deal as a writer. I feel that my grammar, punctuation, editing, vocabulary, and ability to write in more detail have all improved as a result of this class. However, I also know that in all these areas I can still have much room for improvement. I am very thankful that I did decide to take this class because it has greatly prepared me for college (which is coming soon for me) and gave me a taste of what a college class is like. More specifically, this class has helped me to achieve a few of the course outcomes.

  The first course outcome that I feel I have improved in is to “organize writing to support a central idea through unity, coherence, and logical development appropriate to specific writing context. The course project that I feel best exemplifies this is the final draft of W.P 3. After writing W.P 3 I was immensely proud of my work and how all of my ideas finally came together in a logical order. It took a great deal of editing (both through myself and my peers) to finally achieve this logical order. At first I had a lot of ideas and a lot of sources that I wanted to use to support my central idea. I had to carefully pick and chose which I wanted to incorporate in order for my paper to make the most sense, and be as persuasive as possible.

Also, I even ended up changing my central idea from “why people need to achieve a better understanding of the disabled” to “why the government should fund programs for the disabled”. This was a very hard decision for me to make (which can be seen in my deadline 13 writing project reflection and also my deadline 12 deadline reflection). However, I  had to make these changes in order for my paper to support the central idea. Without this change, I would have had way too many ideas to support and my paper would have been taken in far too many directions.

Another outcome I feel I achieved is to find, evaluate, select, and synthesize both online and print sources that examine a topic from multiple perspectives. I feel I achieved this goal as well because over the course of this project I found many sources which I found both informational and inspiring (this can be seen in all my annotated bibliographies, W.P. 2 and W.P. 3). The perspectives of my sources came from a variety or perspectives from government officials to psychologists to journalists to teachers to parents. I feel this gave me a lot of insight on my subject. Even though I did not end up using all of my sources in my final project I feel like I learned a great deal from each source and will keep this information with me far after the duration of this project.

Finally the last outcome I feel I achieved is “use feedback to obtained through peer review, instructor comments and or other sources to revise your paper” Before this class I never really realized how helpful peer review could be. In my other classes I usually edited my own papers or else had my mother edit them. However, I have now discovered the importance of peer review (this can be seen in my peer editing reflections). After reading the reviews of my classmates and teacher I began to make a lot of changes, that I never would have noticed without their insight. For example after my conference call with Ms. Rodrigo I realized that I needed to modify my topic and make it less broad. Also, I realized through my peers how my word choice influenced how the readers viewed my paper, how my grammar could be better edited, and many other things that I would not have realized without their help. I am very grateful that we were provided with the opportunity to grade each others papers in this class. At first I was nervous to do so, but I feel this class has helped me to grow as a writer.

I also know that there are still many more outcomes that I still need to work toward. For instance, “integrate sources through summarizing, paraphrasing, and quotations from sources to develop and support ones ideas”. At first I thought I had done a relatively good job of this, but after rereading my paper later I realized that this needed a lot of work. The reason for this is that often I would just quote or paraphrase a subject without including any commentary afterward (this can be seen in my final and draft of w.p. 3) Without commentary I am just blindly quoting sources, but they are not necessarily supporting my ideas. In the future I need to learn to incorporate my sources not just paraphrase or quote them.

I also need to work on “write for specific rhetorical contexts…” . This area needs some work because I feel that in the future I need to more properly write for my audience and better consider their needs. For example, I need to decide what it would take it persuade them based on their needs and interests (this can be seen in wp 3 draft and in my deadline reflections). My papers will be even better if I can better write to suit my audience. After reading my fellow students papers I realized that many of them have already achieved this goal and it made me want to strive to achieve this in my own writing. I feel I have a vague idea of how to do this, but I could go into a lot more detail in evauluating my audience and what they need.

Deadline Reflection

I am incredibly proud of my paper. I feel like even though I did not really include that the general public and government does not understand disabled people (which was originally what I wanted to say) this came out in my writing anyways. I feel like I met the goal that I wanted to and that my paper is persuasive. I also loved all of the sources I used and I loved reading each one of them. I also did my best to phrase each sentence just as I wanted it to be. I surprisingly enjoyed doing the assignment and hope it shows in my final product!!!

Dustin Young: http://boarder234.uniblogs.org/2007/04/21/deadline-13-42107-hw-4-writing-project reflection/#comment-89

Sarah Lane: I completely agree. I feel we have all come such a long way as writers. These final products are so much better than our original ones and I feel we have all improved so much. I am so relieved to have the paper done as well. It is such a weight off of my soldiers. We are in the home stretch!!! Good luck on your paper!!!

Michelle Cook: I think that the deadline reflections were very helpful as well. Its good to see what others are doing so that we can have examples to work from or just see how others approach certain assignments. When I first started writing the reflections I felt a little weird commenting on peoples pages, but now I am totally used to it. It really has been a learning experience.